


However Long I Stay, I Will Always Love You

by spaceflower



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mike Dodds Lives, Nick Amaro x Mike Dodds, Rafael Barba Sings, Rita is Rafaels best friend, Song fic, domaro, mentions of Rafaels father
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29943798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceflower/pseuds/spaceflower
Summary: Rafael proposes in the best way he knows how by singing to Sonny in front of the whole squad.The song is Lovesong by The Cure.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	However Long I Stay, I Will Always Love You

Today was the day, the day Rafael was going to ask Sonny to marry him. He had it planned out to perfection. They have been together for almost five years, and Rafael knew after the first date that Sonny was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. This scared Rafael, growing up he never had a good role model for love, not with his parents, and he was too young to remember much about his abuelito and abuela’s marriage. He gave up on love, terrified that he would repeat the cycle. He pushed people away the second they showed an ounce of affection towards him. It was easier that way. But Rafael grew lonely, coming home to an empty apartment, missing out on celebrating life moments with a loved one. Sonny changed that. Sonny changed a lot of things for Rafael. He peeled back the layers of Rafael, breaking down the walls he worked so hard to make unbreakable. Rafael was hesitant, he was scared of failure, of letting someone in just for things to crash and burn on him. With Sonny, he took a shot in the dark, hoping to land among the stars. Sonny brought color into his life, to him, things were no longer just black and white. He knew with Sonny, he could fall and Sonny would be there to catch him. They were each other's safe space, they were each other’s home. When they were together, the outside world would slip away, and it would be just the two of them. 

Rafael knew how he was going to propose, they were meeting the squad for drinks at the bar where they had their first official date. It was a small karaoke bar, not many people knew about it. They wanted to go somewhere where they wouldn’t risk running into someone they both knew. It quickly became their place. A place they could get away from the stress of work, from the horrific things they saw working in sex crimes. A place where they could be themselves. They celebrated their fifth anniversary there, with the squad, and Rita. Rafael owed Rita a lot, she was the one who told him to grow a pair and ask Sonny out, anyone could tell the detective was into him. She would be his best man, she has been there for him through rock bottom and back. They met at Harvard, they hated each other at the first meeting. Once they realized they were the smartest ones in their class, they became fast friends. He tells her everything. 

“Are we still on for tonight?” Sonny asked while wrapping the tie Rafael placed out for him around his neck. 

Walking towards him, Rafael grabs the two ends of the tie, tying it into a neat knot at Sonny's neck, “Yes, I have three arraignments, a meeting with Rita and I’ll be free for the rest of the night. I have to cancel the lunch date, though.” Sonny frowned, he was looking forward to their lunch date, “Don’t make that face soleado, you know I wouldn’t cancel if I didn’t have a good reason. You can blame Rita. She was adamant about meeting today” 

“Rita has you whipped, you know that?” Sonny leaned down, placing a kiss on Rafael’s forehead. 

“Yeah, she does, but so do you mi Amor,” Rafael replied softly, running a hand down Sonny's chest, making sure the tie and shirt are unwrinkled. 

“I’m running late, I love you, I’ll see you later Tesoro.” Sonny pulled Rafael closer by the hips kissing him. Neither one wanted to pull away. They could stay like this for all eternity. 

“I love you too.”

Sonny left and Rafael finished getting ready. Reaching into the back of the closet, he pulled out a small black velvet box. Opening it he looks at the ring, the ring Sonny liked the most when they went to go look at rings a few months ago. It was a simple yellow gold band with a row of small diamonds around it. They have been talking about marriage for the better half of a year, it was a matter of time. Without having to say it, they both knew it would be Rafael who would propose. 

Tucking the box into his jacket pocket, he left for One Hogan Place. 

___

Walking into the office, he took out the box and placed it in the top drawer of his desk. He didn’t want to chance it and accidentally lost it while he went back and forth between the courtrooms and his office. Everything had to go to plan. He was beyond stressed about this evening, Sonny believes the two of them are having drinks with the squad after a mentally draining case. The squad knew Liv was the first one to know out of them. Amanda was the last, he knew she would have trouble keeping this secret. Fin, he didn’t have to worry about. Truth be told he didn’t know much about him. He told Nick and mini Dodds together since they are never apart, he thinks Dodds might be the most excited out of all of them. Dodds was Sonny’s work husband, he knows everything about their relationship. In return, he knows everything about his and Nick’s relationship. 

Arraignment went well, two of them were denied bail and were to be held at Rikers until their trial, while the other had to surrender their passport and had to be under house arrest. He argued against house arrest, considering the crime he was being charged with, it was not safe for the people in the house. The judge ruled against him. He would make a call to see if there was a way to remove them from the house before he returned. The family of the wife agreed to take them until the trial. 

Walking back into his office, Carmen followed him holding a notepad with messages written on them. 

“Ms. Calhoun will be running late to the meeting, she said she shouldn’t be more than 10 minutes.” Rafael took his suit jacket off hanging it on the coat rack. “Mr. Henderson called and would like to schedule a meeting about a plea deal. Mr. Buchanan also called, he said he needed to meet with you as soon as possible, he didn’t say why. And Mr. Carisi stopped by, don’t worry I didn’t let him into your office, I told him you were in court.”

“Why did he stop by?”

“Had to drop off some files. He still doesn’t have a clue about tonight, does he?” Carmen knew about the plan, she had to clear his schedule, and had to talk him into going through with it more than once when he wanted to chicken out. She saw the love between the two of them, saw how his mood instantly changed when Sonny came to his office, even only for a short time. She was happy for him. 

“No, he doesn’t. I threatened the squad a few times, they know not to let it slip up, or they will have to deal with me,” He lets out a small chuckle, “he still thinks we’re just going out for drinks. Let's keep it that way.” 

“I know he will say yes, he would say yes if you proposed in the parking lot with a paper ring. He’s good to you, I’m happy for you Mr. Barba.” Carmen saw Rafael at his worst, she’s been with him since before he transferred to Manhattan DA’s office. 

“I’m sure he would. He makes me happy, happier than I ever thought I could be again.” 

There was a knock at his door, Rita had arrived. 

“Rita come in, coffee?” 

“Sure.” She walked over to the coffee pot, pouring herself a cup, adding three sugars. 

“I heard you being sappy, Rafael.” Rita took a drink of her coffee, taking a seat in front of his desk.

“No one would believe you if you told them, I have a reputation you know.” Rafael amused, leaning back into his chair.

“A reputation that is falling apart thanks to a pretty detective. Don’t get too soft on me.” 

“He is pretty, isn’t he? Good in be-” He was cut off by a groan.

“I do not need to know that information, I’m sure Carmen does not either,” Rita interjected, looking over to Carmen who now sits in the other chair next to her. 

“At least you haven’t walked in on them! I learned to knock quickly after that!” Rafael shrugged, refusing to be embarrassed. 

“One should know to knock before walking into someone's office.” 

“I have plenty of stories from law school I could share, they make for great blackmail. Have you told Sonny any of these stories?” Rafael’s eyes widened at that remark.  
“No, and it will stay that way! He knows only what I told him.” Sonny really did not need to know, no one needed to know. College was a different experience, it was a place for him to experiment, do things he could not do while living in el barrio, not with his father. 

“Does he know about the ‘incident’?” Rita took another sip, the coffee now almost room temperature.

“What's the incident?” Carmen asked, curious. 

“Well it started during finals week, we were stressed, overworked, tired. We needed a drink, to let loose. A bunch of us in the study group decided to go to the bar-” Rafael needed to put a stop to this, if his soon-to-be husband did not know about this, his secretary definitely did not need to know.

“Rita if you finish that story I will kick you out of my office, and remove you as my best man. Carmen does not need to hear this about her boss.” 

“Fine, but this story will be told one way or another, Rafael. You won't be able to run from it forever. You have to admit now, that it was hilarious.” Rita surrendered, she will tell it at the wedding, he won’t be able to stop her.

“Mr. Barba, do you mind if I leave early, I have a doctor's appointment,” Carmen asked, knowing the answer already.

“Sure, go ahead Carmen, I’ll see you later tonight.” Most people would think it's weird, inviting your secretary out for drinks, but she was important to Rafael, and he wanted her there. 

“How are you feeling?” Rita asked once they were alone. 

“Honestly? Nervous, I haven’t felt this way since my first day as an ADA. Everyone will be there, what if he says no?” Rafael was hardly like this, he was always in control of his emotions until Sonny came along. 

“Rafi, Carisi is head over heels for you, there is no way he says no. If he does, he's an idiot. We can all see the way he looks at you, even when he first started at SVU. He followed you around like a lost puppy. He looks at you like you could part the sea.” Rita paused for a moment, looking at Rafael, “He loves you and you love him. If he can manage to deal with your hardass attitude, he’s the one for you.”

“Now look who's being sappy, Rita?” Rita glared at him.

“Tell anyone, and they will never find your body.” Rita threatened but had no malice behind it.

“Now let me see the ring, did you get it polished?”  
Pulling the box out of his desk drawer, he opened it and handed it to Rita, “Of course I did, what type of person do you take me for?” 

“It's something easy to forget,” Rita looked at the ring, the corner of her lips turned into a smile, “It’s beautiful, Rafa.”

Rita closed the box, handing it back to Rafael who placed it back in the drawer until it was time to leave. Rafael looked at his watch, it said 5:45 pm. They had an hour and 15 minutes until they had to be at the bar. Rita and Rafael started talking about a potential plea deal for her client, the original reason for their meeting. Two years, 100 hours of community service and they go on the registry. 

\---

Walking into the precinct at 6:45 pm, Rafael saw Sonny at his desks, finishing up with paperwork for their current case. Sonny was deep into his work, he didn’t see Rafael walk in. He felt arms wrap around his shoulders, looking up he sees Rafael and smiles. Turning in his chair to face him, he pulled Rafael down by his tie kissing him softly. 

“I didn’t see you come in.” Sonny grabbed Rafael's right hand in his, bringing it up to kiss his knuckles. Using his free hand, Rafael pushed the few strands of hair from Sonny’s face that fell from when Sonny ran his hand through it. 

“You were busy with your paperwork, you almost done?” Rafael ran his down Sonny’s face, placing it on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, just about. Everyone left already, we should get going, caro. Don’t want to be late.” Sonny stood up, grabbing his suit jacket from the back of his chair, putting it on. Something about Rafael seemed off, and Sonny noticed it right away.

“Are you okay, Rafa? We don’t have to go if you aren’t feeling up to it.” 

“Hm? I’m fine, it's just been a long week. Looking forward to getting some drinks with everyone.” Rafael could lie to just about anyone, but not Sonny, Sonny always saw right through him. 

“Rafael, there's something wrong, what is it?” Sonny placed both hands on the side of Rafael’s face, making him look at him. 

“Soleado, if there was something wrong I would have told you. I promise you, I am okay. I love you.” Sonny wasn’t conceived but decided to drop it. If Rafael wanted to talk about it, he would on his own time. 

“I love you too, come on.” He grabbed Rafael's hand and walked out of the precinct. The bar wasn’t far so they decided to walk. The weather was perfect.  
Walking into the bar, they saw the squad in the booth in the back corner. Amanda, Liv, and Fin were having a conversation. While Mike had his arm around Nick’s shoulders having their own conversation. Rita was no doubt continuing the story from earlier in the day with Carmen. Sonny and Rafael stopped at the bar ordering a beer and a scotch. Once they got their drinks they made their way over to the booth. 

“About time you two show up, we thought you got lost, almost put out a missing person's report.” Mike joked, Sonny slid into the booth, sitting next to Dodds. 

“Last I check, we told you guys about this place. We’re only five minutes late!” Rafael protested, everyone, laughed. 

“Rafael, you had no sense of direction while we were in school. You got lost multiple times.” Rita pointed out, taking a sip of her chardonnay. 

“Hey Rita, remember when you got lost in your own dorm?” Liv choked on her drink. 

“Touché.” Everyone broke into laughter, Rita and Rafael were staring at each other, each taking a drink. 

Multiple conversations broke out as different bar patrons sang horribly and drunk throughout the night. Rafael could feel everyone's eyes on him, wondering when he would get up there. He wasn’t ready yet, he wanted to spend some more time curled into Sonny who was talking with Nick and Mike about the recent Mets game. He didn’t care much for sports, but he could listen to Sonny talk about it all day. He loved how passionate he could get. It was one of his favorite things about him. Whether it be about sports or law, and anywhere in between, Sonny Carisi was passionate about it. 

About an hour and a half into the night, Rafael finished his second drink. Now was the time. He couldn’t wait anymore, he was getting too anxious. If he didn’t do it now, he knows he wouldn’t be able to do it later. He checked his pocket to make sure the box was still there. He waited for the group to finish before getting out of the booth. All the eyes fell onto him at the movement. 

“Where are you going?” Sonny asked, holding onto Rafael’s hand, before letting it slip out of his own hand. 

“Someone has to show everyone how it's done. I have the perfect song in mind.” Rafael reached over and left a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

Walking up to the stage, Rafael made sure it was the right instrumental. He had to ask the bar owner to specifically get this song, just for tonight. 

“Uh hello everyone, my name is Rafael,” The squad cheered loudly, “And I would like to sing you a song, more specifically sing this to someone special. I hope that’s alright with you.”  
“Sonny, this is for you mi amor.” The music started and Rafael took a deep breath. Now or never. 

He let the opening play until he had to sing. 

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am home again_

His eyes locked with Sonny’s.

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am whole again_

He’s really doing this. His heart was racing, but all he could think about was Sonny. Sonny was confused but kept his eyes on Rafael, listening to every word he sang. 

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am young again_

Sonny made Rafael feel younger, Sonny didn’t care about the 10 year age gap. He loved him and that's what matters. 

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am fun again_

Rafael couldn’t remember the last time he had fun before Sonny came into his life. He had his fun, but to others, that wasn’t considered fun. Alone in their apartment, away from the world, they could be themselves. Not a prosecutor. Not a detective. But Rafael Barba and Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr. Endless nights of laughter shared between the two of them, inside jokes that people will never understand. 

_However far away  
I will always love you_

Rafael hated when Sonny had to go undercover. He never knew when or if Sonny would come back to him. He never got to know where he was going, or for how long. He just knew Sonny would not be near him. Rafael knew his job was important, and he knew that Sonny was good at undercover work. He knows that they are on each other's minds all the time. The last time Sonny had to go undercover, it lasted six months. Before he had to go, Sonny left him a voicemail. “Rafi, I love you. I’m always thinking about you, even when I’m always. I will be home before you know it, amore mio.”

_However long I stay  
I will always love you_

Rafael was used to things not working out for him, at times he still expects Sonny to pack up and leave. He still expects Sonny to tell him this, what they have, is over. 

_Whatever words I say  
I will always love you  
I will always love you_

They had their fair share of arguments. Words were said that both regretted, neither one of them was proud of it. But they both knew that despite what they said, they still love each other. Rafael took a long time before he was able to say ‘I love you.’ He was never able to find the right words to say, love didn’t come easy to him. But after the first time he said it, it slipped out, but he meant every word he said. 

Liv was recording the whole thing, so was Rita, so they could have multiple angles. Sonny had tears in his eyes. 

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am free again_

Rafael had a lot of baggage from his childhood, baggage that followed him into adulthood. He tried to run from it, push it down and forget about it. Rafael's father's voice still echoed in his head. Suddenly, he was that terrified child watching his parents argue, hoping he wouldn’t be used as a punching bag. His father would never let him be free. His father had time tied down. Sonny helped him through it, helped him set himself free from his grip. There are days where he can still feel his father, can still hear his drunken voice, but those days are far and few between. He was set free. 

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am clean again_

Rafael was nearing the end of the song, his eyes never leaving Sonny. He's putting everything into this song. He hasn’t sung in years, but he knew he would be singing again so he started doing vocal exercises, singing more around the apartment. Sonny wasn’t complaining, he loved hearing Rafael sing. 

_However far away  
I will always love you_

Camen pulled out a small tissue package, handing it to Sonny. Sonny was a mess but he didn’t care who saw him looking like this. His person, his home, his safe space is pouring his heart out to him. 

_However long I stay  
I will always love you_

Sonny still didn’t know what was about to happen. For a detective, he can be blinded by love at times. 

_Whatever words I say  
I will always love you  
I will always love you_

As Rafael finished up the song, he took a deep breath and smiled, the bar cheered loudly. Rafael waited for it to die down before he spoke. 

“Sonny Carisi, I have loved you since the first time I saw you. You opened my heart, you brought color back into my life. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you, I didn’t think it was possible. That day I first met you, I gave Liv a look and she automatically knew what that look meant. I was scared to love, but with you, you made it easy. You understand me like no one else. When I’m with you, my mood can change. People, and I mean Rita, joke that we need to find a way to clone you and shrink you down to fix into my pocket so I will constantly be in a better mood.” Rafael paused, trying to slow his breathing. 

“When you met my mother for the first time, she loved you instantly. I don’t know what you did, because that never happened. Maybe it was the homemade meal you made her, maybe it was your charm or a bit of both. I sat back and watched you two talk and at that moment I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

Rafael reached into his pocket pulling out the box and opened it, getting now onto one knee. “What do you say, Sonny, will you marry me?”

There were loud gasps and whispers. Sonny got up and walked over to Rafael, tears streaming down his face, nodding, “Yes, absolutely I will.” Rafael took the ring in his hand, sliding it onto Sonny's left hand. Sonny pulled Rafael up and kissed him, pulling him close. The bar erupted into whistling and applause. 

“I love you so much, Rafi” Sonny managed to get out after pulling away, Rafael wiped the tears away, reaching up to kiss him again. The man he gets to call his fiance, the person he gets to spend the rest of his life with. He didn’t understand how he got so lucky. 

Sonny felt arms wrap around him, it was Mike. Eventually, it was a group hug, surrounding the two of them. Rafael felt the love and happiness radiating off of Sonny. This was one of the happiest days of his life. 

They slowly pulled away, giving everyone individual hugs. Sonny hugged Mike first, “Congratulations, man. I’m happy for you.”  
“Thank you, Mike.” Sonny wiped away the remaining tears. 

Rita hugged Rafael, “I told you he would say yes.” 

“I know, you were right.” Rita gave him a look that said, damn right I was. But she didn’t say it, it wasn't about her right now. 

Nick pulled Sonny into a hug, “Happy for you man. No one can put up with Barba like you can, you were made for each other.” 

“He’s not so bad once you really get to know him!” Both of them laughed. Nick slipped his hands into Mike’s hands stepping back to let other people in. 

“Congrats Rafa, you deserve this.” Liv’s hug was tight and warm. 

“Thank you for helping me plan this, I appreciate it.” Liv smiled and gave a simple nod of her head. 

Amanda gave Sonny a quick hug, same with Fin. They didn’t say much to either one, besides the simple congratulations, and wished them luck with the future. 

Carmen was the last one to hug Rafael, “I expect to see Mr. Carisi more now?” 

“You can call him Sonny, Carmen. But yes, you will probably see him more now. Make sure to knock.” Rafael reminded her, joking, kind of. 

“Wait a minute, did you guys know about this?” Sonny asked as it finally hit him. They all laughed. 

“Of course we did!” Mike told him, Sonny gave him the look of betrayal. 

“Why did no one tell me!”

“I’m sorry! Rafael would have had our asses if we told you anything!” Rafael shrugged. 

“Cariño, who do you think helped me plan this? Who made sure all the paperwork was done on time?” Sonny looked to Liv, she gave him an innocent smile. 

“How long have you all known?” 

“Two months.” Rita was the first one to know. 

“About a month.” He told Liv over dinner.

“Same, a month ago.” Carmen figured it out herself before Rafael told her.

“Only two weeks ago.” He doesn’t know much about Fin, compared to the others, he knew he could trust him. 

“Rafael only told us two days ago, he said he couldn’t trust us to not tell you, so he waited as soon as he could,” Amanda spoke for Nick and Mke as well. 

“I’m surprised that you three managed to keep a secret!” Sonny felt he was bouncing off the walls. The three of them acted offended, but they knew it was the truth. 

They made their way back to their booth, with a round of drinks waiting for them. Rafael made sure the owner and the bartenders got a big tip at the end of the night. Sonny couldn’t stop smiling, living up to his name. He couldn’t stop looking at his hand where the ring now sits. They continued to enjoy the night with drinks and more karaoke. Nick and Mike sang a terrible rendition of “Livin’ On A Prayer.” Rita, Carmen, Liv, and Amanda sang “Dancing Queen.” They tried to get Sonny to sing something, but he refused to leave Rafael's side, and Rafael did enough singing for the night. 

Sonny facetimed his siblings than his parents, all of them were excited and couldn’t wait for Rafael to officially join the family. They would call Lucia in the morning, knowing she was fast asleep this late, and they didn’t dare to wake her up.

Sonny was happy. Rafael was happy. They celebrated late into the night. 

\---

They stayed until closing, drinking more than they should have, but they didn’t care. They got an Uber back to their place. A place they get to call home. A place where they will grow old and gray, making new memories as an engaged couple, then soon to be married couple. It was everything Rafael could have asked for and more. 

Sonny, being drunk, and high on emotions, he was clingy. He hasn’t let Rafael go since before they left the bar. Not that Rafael was complaining. He would never complain about this. He loved Sonny like this. 

Walking into their building, they greeted their doorman, stumbling a bit walking past him. Getting into the elevator, as soon as the doors closed, Sonny had Rafael pinned up against the wall, kissing him hard. Rafael pulled Sonny’s hips close to his, returning the kiss. Only pulling away once the elevator opened on their floor. Sonny grabbed Rafael’s hand pulling him towards their apartment. Digging for his keys in his pocket, he pulled them out, struggling to get the key in the lock, Rafael grabbed it for him and unlocked the door. 

Getting inside, they shut the door and locked it. Sonny once again pushing Rafael up against it, pinning his hands at his side. The kiss was full of lust. Full of passion. They wanted each other more than ever. They made quick work of their clothes before making their way to their bedroom. 

“I love you, Rafi, so much.” Sonny's accent was thick, a mixture of alcohol and desire. 

“I love you too, Sonny. I am so happy you said yes.” Sonny was kissing and leaving marks on Rafael’s neck. 

\---

Sonny woke up first, he felt Rafael sleeping still on his chest. He lifted his left hand, seeing the ring, still can't believe last night happened. His hangover hitting him hard, he knew it would be worse for Rafael. He let Rafael sleep, not wanting to move him. Running his right hand down Rafael’s back, using his left hand to look through his messages from extended family members and friends. Nick sent him pictures from last night. Everyone was having a good time, washing away the stress from this week's case. He saved the one of him and Rafael kissing right after he said yes and set it as his lock screen on his phone. He felt Rafael stir, waking up, he placed a kiss on the top of his head. 

“G'morning sweetheart.” He felt Rafael peppering kisses onto his chest. 

“Morning mi sol.” Rafael’s voice was hoarse.

“How did you sleep?” 

“Well, I slept next to my fiance who made amazing love to me, mixed with more alcohol than I should have drunk, so I slept amazingly. You?” It was so much more than sex last night for them. 

“Best night of sleep I've had in years. Let me get up so I can make us breakfast.” Sonny tried to get up, but Rafael pushed him back down onto the bed. 

“I want to stay right here, with you. For a little bit longer, please.” Rafael draped one leg over Sonny’s trying to get closer to him. Sonny wasn’t one to deny him. He would be content staying like this forever. 

This was the start of a new adventure for them, one they will go on together.

**Author's Note:**

> This is by far the longest thing I have ever written, I'm proud of it. Let me know what you think of it please! Leave Kudos! Btw I use They/He pronouns.


End file.
